Talked to a few this week about our thoughts and attitudes. I knew exactly where they were coming from. Been there myself. It is about negative attitudes and thoughts about ourselves. Mainly thoughts pushed on us by others.
Doesn’t matter where it’s coming from, it’s our reaction to these mental pictures others might draw of us. Their evaluations, which they might throw out in anger. Or just their descriptions they push into our thoughts. Cutting us down in their visions of us.
One of those things I eventually began to learn from my sponsor and some of these old timers, back then, was not to react to these. In fact I had to learn to not take them seriously. I was to learn that they probably were trying to put their own negativity onto me. That way they would probably feel superior in a way. Just the anger they expressed should have told me something. They need to blame someone and why not yours truly?
I had to learn that the only study I had to take of myself was mine and not someone else, unless it was part of an observation by a professional or my sponsor. Otherwise I had to learn not to buy into others thoughts. I had to learn to think positively of myself. Not puffed up thoughts, but honest picture of myself, based on my own truth.
Hopefully I passed along positive thoughts. I know from experience that some of this stuff was the result of the anger of others, looking for someone to blame for their own junk. And sometimes the closer the relationship was to me, it gave them a “safer” target for their own junk, whatever that was. I had to learn to walk away and not react. To talk to my sponsor about this stuff and then listen to them.
I had to continue to learn that my primary purpose in here was not to tear me down, but to stay sober a day at a time. To put these principles into action within myself. To continue to try to grow along spiritual lines the best I could. I also learned from my sponsor and others that I was definitely not perfect. But no different than other alcoholics like myself. Like the BB and they described me, I was not a saint. A human being.
Anyway, I needed to stop tonight and reflect on these thoughts. To come to peace within myself and not buy into the anger of others. To ask my Higher Power to help me grow along the way I need. But to also remember to thank my Higher Power and others for the help I have been given in here. I know I will never be perfect and I need the grace I can get from this program and my Higher Power. Makes me grateful for this way of life. And that should help me to carry a positive attitude in my life and not to buy into the negative.