I was answering someone this evening and found that I ran right into myself. I had to face myself and who and what I am. I’m just a self centered, egotist, who is powerless over alcohol. And that’s exactly why I’m here.
I thought I was trying to help my friend, but it made me stop and tell myself I’m often the one who needs the help. That Serenity Prayer ought to wake me up. It tells me that I’m powerless over almost everything and I’m the one who needs the courage to change myself. And that’s the wisdom I so desperately need each and everyday.
And, of course, that brings in the need for a spiritual life. I’m sure I could write a book describing how helpful I am. But the truth is that I need to practice humility and admit that it’s all up to my Higher Power and I have to learn to step back inside. I’ve been so blessed by what this way of life has given me. I haven’t had a drink in all this time in here. I also have gone through so many changes that it is amazing.
And, of course, like so many, as my sponsor and others described to me that I’m human and am going to stumble from time to time. My old faults, my defects come back and I need to back off and ask for help from my Higher Power and others. Like the BB points out about me being human…that I’m not a saint. I just need to keep trying.
And all of this is why I need to go to meetings, pretty much everyday. I need to be reminded not only why I am here, but what it is I need to do on a daily basis. To begin my day asking for the help I need from my Higher Power. And to focus on what I have learned along the way. To put this program into practice. To pass it along to others, who need it. Pray and meditate. And to learn to let go and let God as I understand Him.
I need to stop and say thanks to my Higher Power and others in whatever way I can express it. And to me that’s the Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps. Thanks.