Once again, at this time of year, I have been back to the First Step. And this time of year is almost at the point, when I surrendered and turned my life and will over to my Higher Power. Alcohol had me on the edge of death. I could not go on, because there was no way I could stop drinking. All I knew was that I had to kill myself. I could not go on.
Now I am once again reminded of a total surrender. It totally makes me grateful, that with help of hope I had been given, I was willing to do whatever it would take to never ever drink alcohol again. Up to this point I knew nothing about alcoholism or this program of AA. That’s when someone told me that there was help, and that gave me what I so desperately needed.
Despite the confusion I was going through back then, I can still remember that I went home and prayed for the first time in a very long time. I asked the God of my understanding to relieve me of the bondage I had been trapped in, to help stop me from drinking alcohol ever again. I promised that if I could be helped I would do anything he wanted me to do. And I fell asleep.
The next day I awoke and, though I really wasn’t aware of it until later, alcohol was gone. I discovered it later the next day. And the miracle is that I have never drank any alcohol since then. Five days later, the young man, who had told me about this program, took me to my first meeting. After all this time I am still going to meetings, staying sober a day at a time.
Anyway, I had to stop and think about all of this again. And over time, I guess, I still go back and think of the freedom I was given by my Higher Power, and the program, and the people in it. I am so grateful that I need to share this with others, hoping that they will get sober like I did.
I know that I no longer run across all the stuff I had to go through, but it’s still not an easy task. Like my old sponsor told me, that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And he was right. I had to put my thinking aside and listen and learn. That was brand new to this alcoholic. I was truly grateful for all those old alcoholics in here, who were able to help cut me down to size, so that I could put this huge ego aside and follow directions, which helped me to grow along spiritual lines and put this program into action in my life.
I need to say, “Thank you for what I have been given.” Again, it’s a miracle.