Today’s meeting was primarily on the 11th Step. A huge group of men and women sober alcoholics. Lots of thoughts and very many experiences. And a lot on prayer and meditation.
One of the few thoughts was on what God had them to do. And then there were expressions of meditations. Thoughts on their relationship with the God of their understanding. And then their problems and difficulties were expressed by some. And all of this was interesting to say the least.
How ever the one thought, which was dominating me in a sense was what I had to express. And that’s what AA pointed out in the BB, and was also expressed over and over again by those old timers, when I had come in. And that was that none of us are saints. We’re human alcoholics, who are going to be exposed to life in this world. I was told over and over again that no matter how much we pray and meditate, we’re still going to stumble, and tumble, and fumble, from time to time in our lives, right up to the day of our deaths.
I knew that was true from all those I knew in here. Plus the fact that I could pray and meditate and run into bumps in my thoughts. I could sometimes have a silent meditation, but most of them were wandering thoughts. I could start out focused on what I was trying to think, and often end up with my mind wandering all over the place. Eventually I learned to sit down and write out what I was thinking and that helped me to focus directly on my thoughts of why I am here and what it is I need to do.
But then what is it I need to do? Do I hear that from my Higher Power. No, not ever, as far as I know. Like they pointed out I’m still a human being. And alcoholic. So I had to learn what it is I need to do to stay sober a day at a time. To recognize what it is I need to do by following the directions I get from my sponsor and old timers in here. I had to learn hope, faith, and love. I had to learn how to accept the help I have received, and then freely give it to those who need it as it was given to me.
I learned that I’m not in charge and had to study the BB and much of AA literature. I had to step back and learn to practice humility, and to be grateful for all I was given. I had to learn that I had to learn and I had to be willing to go to whatever lengths were being required of me in order to stay sober a day at a time. My primary purpose. So, I need to tell my Higher Power that I am grateful for all I have received in here, and to also be grateful for all the help I been given.