Today we heard from a young woman, who is recently “coming back”. Her story was a simple one. She’s running her own life. She has two jobs, has three children, and who knows what else. She said she had a full plate and was worried and filled with anxiety. She was overpowered by all of these things.
Her body language was interesting. She turned to watch and listen to a number of people, who had amusing stories about what they were like, when they came in. But the minute others began to tell her that if she wanted to stay sober, she was going to have to put sobriety ahead of everything else in her life, she turned her back and
looked down at the table.
Later, I thought about her story and her reaction to what she was going through. It’s easy to say, well, she’s new. No wonder she’s reacting the way she is. Worry, fear, anxiety. But, wait a minute. Isn’t that the way I react, when I feel overwhelmed and overpowered? It’s a normal, but a perilous reaction on my part. When my plate is full. I can end up feeling restless, irritable, and discontented. If I let myself, I can become full of fear, anger, self pity, resentment, and end up trying to solve it all myself.
But, there the comparison ends. My feelings may be similar, but the difference is that I’m aware of the program given to me and she isn’t. I’m able, if I choose, to go back to the instructions in the BB and see what it tells me.
It tells me that the spiritual life is not a theory; it has to be lived. I can read the part in Jim’s story and see what Bill said. That Jim drank again, because he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. I can see those parts, where it says that all our problems can be solved by the application of spiritual principles to them. And the first problem we have to solve, when we feel overwhelmed and overpowered are these feelings.
Our feelings, just like the anger, can cut us off from the sunlight of the spirit. They can cut me off from the action of grace in my life. We’ll intuitively know how to handle things, which formerly baffled us. That’s one of the answers. But if I’m cut off from the sunlight, I’m cut off from the intuitive action in my life and I’m left alone, trying to figure things out.
This is where the action of the steps can be brought to bear in my life. How do I know? Not just from the readings, but through experience. Through a sponsor, through the rigorous honest, which my sponsor and others can bring to bear in my life. Through inventories. Through the action of 6&7. Through prayer and meditation and a concious contact with the God of my understanding. All these tools are available to me, if I will but use them.
I hope this young woman will stay sober, but I know I am powerless and have to turn her over to her insight into the God she understands. Meanwhile, I have to remember that if I will work my program, that I can stay sober.
That’s the first job. And, hopefully someone said something, which will enable her to take that next step.