There is a phenomenum up here, which probably takes places in other areas, but I only know about here. Every year, Mayflies swarm up around the lakes and rivers and become food for the fish of this area. They’re an essential part of the life cycle ot the waters and the fish, which swim in them.
These Mayflies are interesting to those of us, who seek and desire to live a sober life. Why? Because the Mayfly life cycle runs like this. They hatch from eggs laid on the bottom, they rise to the top, lay eggs, begin to fly and are eaten by fish, or just die. Their cycle is one day of life. The Latin name for Mayflies is ephemera. And that’s where the word “ephemeral” comes from, meaning lasting a day.
I’ve written about the word ephemeral before, but not its source. Nor did I cover what I was thinking about today.
I was thinking about fear. Fear which comes from anticipation and expectations. Fear which results from spending too much time in the future. Or fear which is the result of too much guilt by spending too much time in the past. Both of these fears are cureable by spending time in today and residing there for the duration of the day.
Like the mayflie, our life cycle is the same. We only have the day and no more. Doesn’t matter how long we live, the truth is that we always have only this day and no more. Our problem is that unlike the mayflie, we have the capacity to think and remember. I can remember the past and forget that it’s just that; past. I don’t know anything about the future, because the future has nothing I can remember, so I probably take what’s past and construct what’s already happened and forecast what may happen based on that. Or I base it on my fantasies, which are totally unreal.
In any event, all this kind of thinking can drive someone like me crazy. I was reminded today that the one thing I have to remember is that I lack common sense. I have to learn common sense. It just doesn’t happen. I can learn that by spending my time living and doing what I have to do today. And, as Bill W. reminds me in the BB, common sense becomes uncommon sense.
The second step tells me that my belief in a Higher Power could restore me to sanity. Sanity is to me sober thinking. If I’m crazy from projection or morbidly wandering around in the past, I’m probably not sober and I have to rely on my Higher Power to get me back into today and be restored to sanity.
What’s the purpose of this? To remind myself how easy it is to become mesmerized by the past and the future to the point of becoming vulnerable to a drink again. This may seem to some to be unrealistic, but I have watched people become so despondent, thinking about the past, that they have gone back out and drank again. I have watched people become so dependent on their dream of the future, that when the baloon burst and their dreams failed, they too became despondent and despaired and drank again.
Today is the day, the only day I have and I need to pay attention to it and spend my life in it.
Anyway, just thinking about what lasts a day.