Not everything we do is going to make us comfortable. In fact, comfort is not necessary, on the road of happy destiny. It could be an obstacle. Sometimes we are required to say and do things, which are definitely not comforting, but may be necessary to stay on track and to help others to stay on track.
I realize today that my sponsor was confronted with this dilemma often, when it came to dealing with me. How could it have been otherwise? He told me from the beginning of our jouney together, that he owed me one thing; the truth. The truth as he saw it. And he often gave me the truth, as he once said, as a two by four, just to get my attention. He was not a bully, but he was wise. He knew exactly what I needed and gave his truth to me. I’m so fortunate and grateful that he did.
His only goal, at the time, was to help me stay sober. He kept me on track with the steps. He did this by constantly referring me back to the directions in the BB. He kept me striving to achieve the rigorous honesty required. He did this by challenging my dishonesty. He kept me in this program, by teaching me the values to be found in the traditions of this program. Not an easy task for each one of us. It was often uncomfortable. Like he once said, “AA does not promise you a rosegarden. But it does promise you that if you do what we did, you can stay sober.” So far, it has, because he got my attention and I listened. And then I did.
It might not have always been comfortable, but I now realize what acts of kindness were being offered to me. It wasn’t a sugar coated path. I can remember one incident, when he called me over to his home and told me that he was no longer going to carry my load for me. I had a man I was sponsoring, who he pointed out was drinking on the sly. He knew it and so did I. I had been picking this man up every day and driving him to meetings. He said that he would often soften the blow for me by talking to people like this for me. He told me, no more. It was time for me to go and confront this man and tell him I knew about his drinking and that I was no longer going to be a taxi service for him. If he wanted this program he was going to have to show it and get himself to meetings.
I didn’t stand tall like Tom did. I feared I wasn’t ready for this kind of action he was asking me to do. As I stood up to leave and go and do what he said, he smiled and came over and patted me on the back and said, “Go get him, Tiger.” It was electric. And I did. But it was uncomfortable.
Another time he told me that, if I knew a man was headed for a drink, that it was up to me to tell him the bridges were out and not to go down that road. At the time the man he was referring to was my first sponsor. It was in dread that I went to this man and told him I could see he was headed for a drink. He didn’t take to kindly to that. Later he did drink and died as a result of that. But it was uncomfortable.
This is a program of principles by which we live. It’s been difficult, and often still is, to live by these principles, which are both worldly and spiritual. Tom taught me how to live by and stand on these principles, not by words but by his example. Everyday the challenge is for all of us to do the same. It’s not easy, and often uncomfortable. It’s not being hardnosed or unkind. But it is what I know to be the truth. As he said, the truth as I know it. And we do it to stay sober, one day at a time.