Bill talks about the spiritual life from beginning to end in the BB. Even in the Dr’s. Opinion, the good doctor hints at the psychic change that must take place in us and ends the chapter with urging us to stop and pray. And, perhaps, we are given a peek into what the spiritual life is about, or at least attainment to this way of life; change.
I don’t think any of us came to the program with the idea in mind that we were going to be launched into the spiritual life. Most, I believe, from my own experience and listening to others, were backing out of the hell that was our drinking life. We were hurting and wanted to stop the pain. The program offered us relief from not only the pain, but it helped us to break the vicious cycle of craving and obsession. It was then that we first saw that the spiritual way of life was the way to accomplish this.
For most of us our bottoms were the spur to go on and attempt this way of life. Had we not been driven, as Bill said by the lash of alcohol, we probably would not have gone on a began to live this way of life. Looking back, I think we can only be grateful for what was opened up before us.
Instead of darkness, the blackness we lived within ourselves, we were introduced to light. The sunlight of the spirit. Our hearts and minds were opened. We began to experience freedom for the first time. Bill tells us we were reborn.
But, there are still the traces of the old life in most of us. We get in touch with it, when we find ourselves slipping back into the blackness within. Dark thoughts, driven by old emotions and feelings. We can find ourselves dropping back into this well, down into the old hopelessness and despair. Feelings, which are often born in the night, when we allow ourselves the luxury of looking back at what might have been, what we did, what we failed to do. We can awake to fear and anger and not defeat these feelings at the start and allow them to rule our day.
Left to run riot long enough, we may reach the point of thinking there’s no use to go on. We’ve stepped from the light into the shadows.
My sponsor and others told me that I would hit places like this along the way. The temptation of the allure of these emotions is sometimes overwhelming. But so is the solution. Bill suggested that we have a very brief prayer that we can repeat over and over throughout the day. Something simple, which will enable us to keep the lines of communication open between us and the God of our understanding. And that’s the answer. To be able to talk and walk with God throughout our day. To have something to remind us that we need not drift back to darkness and help us stay in the light. It’s the path to sobriety and sober living and thinking.
Thinking about this in the hardships we sometimes face is the pathway to grace.
Like I said, just thinking.