The 12&12 tells us that worry, anger, self-pity, and depression are the symptoms of emotional insecurity. It pretty much indicates to me what is necessary to achieve emotional security. All I have to do is get rid of those symptoms.
Bill talks about these things in the fourth step. So, does that mean that I should have been done with these things back when I did my fourth step? Obviously not. They stem from our character defects. All that step does is to reveal the sources of these symptoms. And Bill suggests that when our instincts are threatened these symptoms emerge. But suppose, after a long period of time, I forget what my fourth step revealed to me. What then?
Why am I writing about this? Mainly because these things can very well take over my life and threaten my sobriety. I’ve experienced their return in my life at times and the lives of others and it’s through these others that I’ve seen the results. It was enough to scare me into doing something about myself.
Recently I have had the opportunity to talk about these things with a number of others and it served to remind me of what it is that I need to do. One of those was to revisit my inventory and to look at the causes. In the fourth step Bill asks a number of questions. Then he said that asking ourselves these things can “indicate whether I may be able to alter my own conduct and so adjust myself serenely to self discipline.”
So all I’ve had to do was to uncover the source and then take action. In the past, I realize that often I would find the scource of some of my problems, but then I failed to take the necessary action to correct what was wrong. Sometimes, with the help of others, I would find out what was wrong and because I felt better because of the discovery, I would sit back and relax. Because I felt better…for a while.
I remember one man, whom I knew years ago, would often say “scratch the veneer on an alcoholic and you’ll find the old drunk right under the surface”. It’s certainly true in my case.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today. I need reminders to get the blood flowing and myself back into action. It’s what keeps me sober.