I was thinking this morning of how far off I am sometimes. I mean it’s easy for me to wake up and not have a clue about staying sober. It’s fortunate for me that I am, because I can wander aroujnd for hours before I truly become focused once again on my primary purpose.
Lucky for me that I go to a noon meeting and get reminded of why I am here.
I think there are a lot of us, who get lost duing the day with our cares and our work a day habits. When I was gainfully employed before I retired, I can remember a lot of days like that. Days when I got pulled down into worry, fear, anger, self pity and the rest of the list. Days when I forgot to use the tools I had been given, which could have alleviated a lot of these problems, before they grew so large that they overwhelmed me. Days that I lost my God conciousness and dependency and relied on my own resources.
Words from a Sandy B, talk, wherein he’s carrying on solo and acting a conversation he had with a man he sponsored. After a talk about steps six and seven, the sponsee exclaims “But that’s perfection!” When I had kind of a similar response to my sponsor, after I told him that I feared I would become a saint, he laughed and laughed. He told me that he had no fears I would become that. And he laughed and laughed. Today I’m laughing at that thought.
Hardly a saint.
I was thinking of how over time I’ve pretty much accepted my imperfections. In a given day or week I can find myself falling flat on my face and sometimes making a complete fool of myself. But the difference is today that the tools of this program are available to help me get back up on my feet. At any moment I can be restored to sanity. But never perfection.
I remember a friend of mine, who said one day that the sponsor he most admired was imperfect, but still sober in spite of his imperfections. Good thought for this morning.