The BB tells me that for me to drink again means to die. Really? Well, I don’t think I’m ever going to drink again. Who told me that? I did. After all, when I came in they told me I would never have to drink again, if I didn’t want to. And, I don’t want to. Besides, nothing’s worth a drink.
Then, again, that depends on two things. Working the steps, so I can keep my spiritual condition fine tuned, and sober thinking. Rational thinking. Sane thinking.
Wait a minute. Sober thinking, rational thinking, sane thinking? Maybe I should rethink this. When I’m angry, resentful, judgmental, vengeful, jealous, lustful, where does rational, sober, sane thinking go? When I’m hungry, angry, lonely, and tired, where does my thinking go? When I’m self will run riot, full of pride and arrogance, self reliant, am I sane, sober, and rational? I don’t think so.
First of all, when I’m any of these, I’m certainly not going to practice the steps and my spiritual condition is going to suffer. Rather my alcoholism, this disease, is going to prosper. I’m not cured. This disease is not all that apparent and, like the BB said, it’s cunning, baffling, and powerful.
I was talking about the Sixth and Seventh Steps today with a friend. And, of course, the Tenth Step. How easy it is to forget these things and how important they are to my spiritual health. When I do forget them, things pile up, along with the stress, which comes from trying to carry this load around inside of me. That’s why meetings and talking to someone everyday is so important. I need to be reminded. I have a quick for-getter. And, when things are seemingly going along smoothly and everything is going okay, or I get to “busy”, I’m probably going to forget.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today and reminding myself that this may be sane thinking, but it also takes action.