I was reminded today about pedestals again. A woman in the meeting gave us an entirely different view. We were talking about asking for help, when she said how difficult it was for her to do so. She said something to the effect that she had been a mother and a care giver. That she found herself up there on a pedestal, not because others had put her there, but that she had put herself up there.
The other day I had thought about how others put us up on a pedestal and here was the other view point. I had to ask myself that question. How do I view myself? Do I see myself that way? Because I have so much time in the program? Because I have so much “knowledge and experience”? Am I aloof to others? Etc., etc., etc.
Some friends and I, especially one man with a lot of sobriety, talked about this after the meeting today and I thought about that conversation after I got home. I realized that there are times that I do regard myself as “special”. What a crock. Most of the time I realize what a klutz I am. So many times I’m so aware of my character defects that I feel guilty and ashamed.
Of course the answer to this dizzying kind of attitude toward the altitude is to talk to another alcoholic and tell on yourself. I know that, because the opportunity to do that is almost daily for me, as it was today. I learned that from my sponsor and am grateful for his help in deflating my ego so many times. I hope I never forget all he taught me.
There are pitfalls all along this road of happy destiny. Temptations are always available to us, particularly in regards to pride and the reverse side of the coin, self pity and resentment. All of this hides the alcohol behind each of these traps along the way. That’s why the tenth step and the sixth and seventh step are there for each one of us. That’s why I need companions from the fellowship to walk this way with me and help me to avoid the hazards available to me.
And then there’s prayer and the God of my understanding to give me the grace to avoid complacency and guide my steps.