Once again I was reminded of why I go to meetings. Of course it’s obvious. I want to stay sober and I can’t do it alone.
The idea of trying to go it alone by myself is just crazy. The BB tells me that and so did my sponsors. But there’s another bit of information I get almost every time I go to meetings, when I get to see what happens to others, who have tried to go it alone. They drink again. Hard evidence right in front of my eyes.
Hopefully, when I go to meetings, I’m going to hear messages about staying sober. It should be about alcohol, alcoholism, and the solution. There’s always someone, who is sitting in the meetings, who is suffering. And that’s what meetings are about to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Doesn’t matter how new or how old. It could be me. Sometimes we don’t want to tell others we are in trouble. That old defect of pride. I’ve seen it time and time again over the years.
I need to hear the messages of how I can stay sober a day at a time. I need to stay aware that I’m not healed from this disease. My alcoholism is still alive deep within me. It will always be so. If it should awaken, I need to be prepared and not taken unaware. How often I have heard that in this program.
Today a friend came back from a relapse. We talked about why we are here. It was good to get a refresher course in the We of this program. The First Tradition. What would we do, if there were no longer meetings. No AA. It takes all of us to put aside our desires and agendas to deviate from the Fifth Tradition. Put aside our pride and practice humility for the good of the whole.
It’s easy to get pulled into subjects other than alcohol and alcoholism. The temptation to try to solve problems that we’re not equipped to discuss. But the alcoholic, who knows everything thinks they can.
I was told years ago to leave my life and thoughts, my brain, at the door and come in and listen. I was glad I finally learned that lesson. To remember why I’m here. To help another alcoholic and to be helped, when I need it. Like I said, I never want to drink again. I want to stay sober. But I’m imperfect. I’m human, like everyone in the room. I have a mind, which can become confused by the outside world and forget. I need this refuge and the people, who like myself are drunks and know what the answer is to my alcoholic mind.
I am so grateful that there is a place I can come and be refreshed and renewed in the knowledge I need to continue down this path to sobriety. Grateful to my higher power and those, who remain faithful to the purposes and goals of this program.