Chaos and serenity. Hardly likely companions. But I’ve been through both. A disorderly mess and the peace. I’ve come to have known both.
I was reading a number of spiritual writers lately and all of them have nothing good to say about the cause of chaos in my life. And what’s that? My emotions. All of them to a man have said that human emotions can literally destroy us.
I believe them. I mean anger, rage, resentment, jealousy, hate, just to name a few, can take over our lives. Our thinking. But, on the other hand, the program, the 12 Steps, prayer, meditation, all of these can bring us to a point at the spiritual awakening, when we begin to receive the spiritual benefits, the promises, of this program.
From chaos to peace of mind, a new happiness, a new freedom, not just from alcohol, but from myself. Inasmuch I can begin to take charge of my emotions. Not an easy task. Easy to say, but it involves honesty, and some discipline on my part and my dependency on my higher power. And then there’s the help I can get from others in this program. If I’m willing to open up and let them know what’s going on with me. And then there’s the part of paying attention and being aware of what is going on with myself. That’s important.
What drives me to do this is that I don’t want chaos in my life. Anymore than I want alcohol. I want the peace of mind and serenity this program and this way of life can and does provide. It’s sober living. And that I want more than anything else in my life. I can have that everyday that I let go and let the God of my understanding take care of my life and my will. Not always easy for the rebel down there inside of me. But if I will surrender and accept everything this program asks of me, I have a chance.
Anyway, after thinking about what these men had to say, as I read them, I had to stop and think about the opportunities I am offered each day. This is far from perfect, but it’s better and better each day I stay sober. And for that I am grateful.