What I was thinking about yesterday made me think about another aspect of my sober life. Obedience.
I wasn’t surprised today, when I added a subject to a meeting, which was starting to slip into outside issues. Things other than alcohol. The 5th Tradition. I asked that we talk about our primary purpose.
When I was thinking about lack of surrender last night, I realized today that there have been moments of something to which I would rarely lay claim. Letting go absolutely. And yet, looking back there were moments when I did. And now, thinking about it, I still do.
When it comes to this program and it’s principles, staying sober and working these Steps to the best of my ability, I’m there. Meetings are for me an opportunity to hear what I need to hear. The message of AA. What we’re supposed to do for the alcoholic, who still suffers. And, who are these people suffering? The new member or possible member and others, who have been around a while and are in need of hearing there is a solution to the disease we from which we all suffered.
I need to hear the solution each and everyday. For instance the 11th Step. I need to be reminded of prayer and meditation and for a conscious contact. Today, as I sat there, I suddenly realized that in my haste to get to a meeting, I forgot to pray. Happy that I was there to hear this message. A message that reminded me that no matter what my problems may be that the answer will be found in one or more of the Steps, if I will just look.
It’s all about staying sober and helping another alcoholic. It’s always about sobriety and sometimes I’m the one who needs the help.
Sometimes that self discipline is there. The word discipline doesn’t mean punishment, but maybe correction. Learning. I needed to learn to how to stay sober and how to live a good life; a spiritual life. My “disciplinarians”, my teachers, were my sponsors and those old timers. The men and women, who knew how to stay sober and how this program works. They did a good job. I was their disciple.
That didn’t mean it was a smooth road for me. I struggled and often balked, argued, rationalized, and in general was a pain in the…neck. But then came the surrender and off we would go again and again. What great patience these people and my higher showed to me. And then it became my turn to return this freely given gift to others.
So today I was thinking about the other aspect of myself. My obedience. A gift I was given as the result of my spiritual awakening. A gift from others and the God of my understanding. A gift for which I am forever grateful. It not only saved my life, but turned it around for the better.