All day I have been thinking about this. As I started my day, a thought jumped into my head. I was wondering about some people I know and discovered I was worried about them. Then the thought, I can’t do what only God can do, hit me.
How really egotistical I can be. I mean, who do I think I am? But there it is. When I say the Third Step prayer, relieve me of the bondage of self, do I really mean it or understand it?
When I’m working with others, I know I can get in my way. Or is it God’s way? Both. I can forget so easily how powerless I really am.
When I step back and quiet down I fully realize that I’m sober because of my higher power. If it were up to me, I’d be in trouble. I’ve seen what happens, when some have taken it on themselves to attempt to stay sober on their own. I know that’s not where I want to go. When sanity returns I know I need all the help I can get.
That brought me back to the importance of not just thinking straight, but listening to others and what it is I need to do or not do during any given day. That I need to be in daily contact with others like myself, who have worked and know this program. How important meetings are in my life. What I can’t do alone is maintain a sober life. I need others always. Like I said, I’ve seen what happens to those, who divorce themselves from this program. Deadly.
Am I surprised at myself that I had this kind of thinking early today? Hardly. But sometimes I do get a deeper insight into my relationship with my higher power and the knowledge of Who is the source of my being here. Second Step all over again.
Anyway just meditating on being powerless and what Bill said about our need to get rid of being self centered and selfish. How absolutely right he was.