If I’m an example for anything, it’s about learning to deal with my anger. It took me a long time to learn what to do about it. And I’m still capable of losing it.
The reason I was thinking about this is a couple of things. A couple of friends of mine are having to deal with this. Another was learning not to let my emotions take over. Once anger is in charge it is difficult to take charge of my life. Hard to ask for help from my Higher Power. And, if I can, I have a hard time of paying attention to that help.
I’m thinking about old causes for anger. People from the past, who continue to enter and irritate us. Hard to deal with. But, of course, this is the kind of thing, which can threaten the way of life I’m trying to live on a daily basis. My sobriety.
People like this are known to someone like me. I definitely know what they are like and how they are able to irritate me. They’re people, who are close enough to me that they can be present at any moment. The question is, do I pray for them? Because they are truly a long term resentment. And I know from my own history that I need to be done with resentments. Fortunately these Steps have taken care of most of these. That included praying for them over time and some by making amends. All of these are stories in themselves.
What I’ve had to ask myself is, why, if I already know these people and what they are like and what they do, why haven’t I sat down with others like myself and talk about them? And more than that, why haven’t I listened to their kind guidance? Their sharing from their own experiences so freely. And why, knowing all about them and their words and actions, haven’t I continued to turn them over to my Higher Power? The Serenity Prayer.
The truth is that I can forget just how powerless I am to change them. So, who can I change? Oh, that’s right, me. That’s what I need to start to do. To put these Steps into action in my life. Again and again, as long as need be. And I know that’s the rest of my life.
I can get into arguments with them at the drop of a hat. I know before hand that they are a problem to me, so why haven’t I thought of alternatives to dealing with them?
For the most part I have been free of this familiar way of living. But it is a few people I know, who are suffering from the same kind of things that I was thinking about today. Friends whom I have a lot of care about.
The spiritual solution to all of this is ever present, if only I will open my mind and my heart and surrender to the will of my higher power. Difficult and painful to do, when faced with such testing of my emotions. Anger and resentments. Long term stuff. But, if I want to stay sober, it’s my responsibility to seek the help I need.
Anyway, after talking about this I needed to stop and think about what many have told me they have had to deal with. In family, work, and other places in this world we live in. I know we live in a material world, trying to live a spiritual life. How easy it is to forget this last part, the spiritual life, when I find myself being tested. It reminds me that it takes practice, practice, practice to make the changes necessary to live a sober life. I sure got a lot of that from my old sponsor. I need to remember, just what I have. A gift. My sobriety. It’s my responsibility to maintain this gift and protect it from my old way of thinking and acting and be willing to go to any lengths to sustain it.