So our troubles, we think, are of our own making…the BB. Our own faults. Our ego. And the Book points out that we don’t think so. And that sure described me. This chronic alcoholic.
I went back and read what I needed to stop and think about. Why? Because, no matter how long I have been in this program, I’m still imperfect. Things within me are still going to pop up from time to time. Like the same chapter points out, we are not saints. We’re human and have faults which will come back again from time to time.
Again, as my sponsor pointed out to me, when I trip and fall over these, I need to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep on keeping on. I need to put this program into action within myself. The spiritual life I found in the Second Step. I learned in here how much dependency I have on my Higher Power, who has helped me to change.
I know I never want to drink alcohol ever again. I know I need to stay sober a day at a time. And I need help from the people in this program, as well as the Steps. But most of all I know I need to maintain hope, faith, and somehow develop love. All this is dependent on the God of my understanding.
Yet I know that what was wrong with me, when I came through these doors, can pop up again from time to time. All this I have read and learned through these old timers. That means I have to do what I’m doing at this moment. Stopping and taking the time to step aside and think about what I’m doing here.
Like the Book points out our egos can get in our way. Our negative emotions can pop up from time to time. And the BB points out that there may come a time when we may have no mental defense against that first drink and no one can help us but our Higher Power. And I have seen this happen to others, whom I knew. Like I’ve always pointed out, along with what was written about this in the BB. Resentments, anger, can pull us down back into a drink and death. Like I said I have witnessed this and never want to go there.
So I was thinking about all of this and what it is I have to do a day at a time. I need to pray, meditate, go to meetings, share and be shared with. I need to be able to put the Tenth Step into action. And then, like I said, the Eleventh Step. And finally the Twelfth. I need to ask for help. To have the humility necessary to freely give what was freely given to me.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this. A reminder to me of what I need to do daily. I have been freed from a drink of alcohol. The spiritual awakening and the restoration to sanity. But I will never be cured from this disease. It will be with me to the end of my life. However I have been given the gift I’m talking about here. And I’m so grateful that with the help of my Higher Power and others in here, that I can stay sober a day at a time. I need to remember that each and everyday.