One of the subjects in this program, which often times gives me a problem, is the Eleventh Step. When I feel that way I go back and remember what Bill W., who wrote the 12&12, said. He had gone back and read that Step after a number of years. He said that he felt like a beginner. I sometimes have said I know what he meant.
Trying to live a spiritual life is one thing. Practicing and using the tools we are given is something else. Like prayer and meditation. Coming up with prayers of my own is often difficult. Using prayers of others is more helpful, but some are difficult for this alcoholic. I have often picked up the words of an alcoholic priest, who said that he now uses brief prayers, rather than ones which he found dragged him down and often left him drifting off. I have found that brief prayers work for me.
One of these, which has often helped me, especially on a regular basis when it comes to helping me to deal with negative emotions, is one I learned from someone else. Oh, God, come into my heart. Oh, Lord come to my aid. I use that over and over and over.
I heard someone in the meeting today, who said that they had begun to be dragged down into despair and anger, because of what had happened in their life. Still not thinking about a drink, but withdrawn and not going to meetings of late. While they were talking the one thing that kept coming into my mind was what my sponsor and those old timers kept telling us. Stop our day and start it over again.
And that’s where the short prayers come in for me. I know that, when I feel myself being pulled down by some negative emotions, I’m to step back and find a quiet place, take a deep breath, and pray. Then to ask for help from my Higher Power and change my attitude. To take on a positive attitude and step back out into life with a smile, backed by these short prayers in my mind. It does work.
Anyway, I need to go to meetings and be reminded of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I never want to forget that. My primary purpose. And when I think of the gifts I have been given, not just sobriety, but a new way of life and a new attitude, which when it slips down I can renew and change, I can give thanks to my Higher Power and all those who have helped me in this program. Plus, I can give what I have been given to others who need it.