I had to stop today and think about my own thinking. And that was my anger and my self criticism. A young man sent me a message talking about this very thing. I was always amazed by my old sponsor and some of those old timers. They knew all about me. Most of which I know is because they had had almost the same thing in their lives.
I’m always struck by the truth I learned in here. Nothing is perfect. None of us. We all are human and alcoholics. I learned that from my old sponsor and others. I don’t think there was anything I could tell them, which would have been a mystery. They knew everything, because they, in one way or another, had the same story.
However I had to learn that the past was the past. It was not the present, although my crippled thinking felt that it was current. Not true. I had to learn from a number of old timers in here that I had to give up what I felt to be “real”. And I had to achieve peace and quiet within. Sometimes I had to go back and make amends, if I was told that was all right. Going on my own was not always a good idea. In fact I was told to back up and let go. And later I would run across those, who were very much like those I knew back then. And with them I could actually act out and make peace and amends.
And one of the great gifts I was given in here was freedom from much of these heavy thoughts and emotions. I learned how to put my intellect over my emotions and not vice-versa. That actually helped me to change and grow along spiritual lines. It often brought peace within me. I know that I can still stumble over some of my old defects. I was told I was not a saint. I’m just a human being, a chronic alcoholic. So at times my mind and feelings will wander off and trip me up. Fortunately I can wake up and share with others, go to meetings, stop and pray and ask for help. Or, as my sponsor and others told me, stop my day and start it over. And change my attitude from the negative to the positive.
Anyway, once again I am thinking about why I am here. To stay sober this day. To put this program into action within and often without. To be grateful and stay positive. I’m glad I’m sober and am able to live this way of life.