One of those things I found so helpful to an alcoholic like myself was talking. I began to learn that through my old sponsor. Before he came and did that I was not a talker. I was a walker. I would walk away rather than deal with people, who could help me. I didn’t want help. I thought I knew what to do.
And what did I think I needed to do? I needed to get angry and resentful. Like I said, I thought I knew what it was I needed to do. By the time I got in here, I had stopped drinking. But resentments were still at the top of my needs to take care of me. And that’s when I got slammed right in the face.
My first sponsor, back then, a ten year sober individual had a resentment and went out and got drunk. And then BANG! He died. At that same time another man with ten years also had a resentment, went out, drank and died. That was a wake up call for this alcoholic.
My “new” sponsor, who became my old sponsor, took over. And he was the one who helped me to begin to change. And one of those changes was learning to talk and listen. I think he started me out to begin to listen. Something I rarely did, if ever. I always thought I knew everything. Now I was going to have to back off and put a muffler over my mouth and brain. I had to stop listening to myself and begin to listen to others, who could help me. If I wanted to stay sober.
Listening to others and beginning to follow their directions slowly began to give me changes I so much needed. It began to help me to come to realize what a careless and wrong track I had been on all my life. And, when I was able to demonstrate some of these changes, my old sponsor opened another door for me. And that was allowing me to share with him. And to do that I had to learn to tell him the truth. Not easy to say the least. He could cut me off in the middle of my lying to him. Amazing.
All this concept of talking and not walking away came to me today. It had been on the edge of my mind for a couple of days. And the reason I knew I had to stop and think about this was that I know why I am here. To stay sober a day at a time. And this exploring the truth in here is what helps me to go to meetings a day at a time. I need to go and listen.
And then there is the sharing part. Took me a long time for me to be allowed to open my mouth and share at meetings. And when I did I had to learn to stay focused on talking about why I am here. To stay sober. And after I had been in a few years and had been sharing, I stopped. And about a week or so went by, when an old timer came over and got in my face. He asked me why I had stopped sharing at meetings. I told him I thought I should only go and listen. That’s when he told me that I owed it to this program to share and help others like myself begin to get sober. I listened to him and then decided I should do what I was asked.
Anyway, I am so grateful I was given these gifts. Time took time, but I was helped, and encouraged to begin to change. To listen to sharing, and then learning from that to begin to share the truth with my sponsor and others. And eventually to share with others who need the help of someone like me.