Every time I write about this I have to pause, because of what I am thinking and even feeling. And what’s that? Prayer.
I learned in here how important prayer is for people like me. An alcoholic. I know it’s a big thing, but I have often stumble over it in time and time again. Makes me wonder. I know that I studied, a long time ago, to become a priest. Somewhere along the line I hit a point, where I was confused, and I left. My mental defense wouldn’t let me ask for help.
So I came out and picked up a drink of alcohol and found myself off to the races. And it took me to some twenty years later to find how deeply overwhelmed I was. Alcohol owned me. I was in a deep depression and despair. I knew nothing of alcoholism and I knew nothing about AA. So on a Sat. in Jan. 72 I decided to end my life. I couldn’t go on. And that’s when a friend of mine came to me and gave me hope. He had heard of the program and offered to take me there.
And that led me to my first real prayer in all those years. The result was that I was freed of the possession alcohol had over me. Five days later I came into the program.
I have never forgotten about all of this. However that prayer was just the beginning. I don’t think I prayed after that. I guess I thought I knew what I was doing and never going to drink again in my life.
My first sponsor killed himself by drinking again. That was a wake up call. And I found a new sponsor. And that man opened the door to this program. He knew what those old timers did back then and that was ego deflation in depth for ego inflated alcoholics like myself. That’s when he told me that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And he was right. What a wake up call.
And that’s when he introduced me to the Second Step and the spiritual way of life and a Higher Power. And that opened the door for him and those old timers to wake me up to prayer. I was overwhelmed. It was like I was learning about prayer for the first time in my life. And I spent a long time thinking and reading about this.