Strange, but good meeting today. It was on the Fourth Step. Made me go back in my mind a long way. For me this Step changed a lot of things.
I don’t think that I really waited a long time in here. Maybe three or four months. I had read and studied the BB and talked to some about this. Then one night, when my wife and children were in bed sleeping, I sat up and did my first Fourth. I wrote until about three in the morning, if I can remember. All I know was that I did this almost non stop.
Sure, I prayed before I began. And I didn’t really do it the way the BB had it down. I just prayed and thought and then began to write. At that point I did the best I could. The next day I called an old timer I thought would listen, He did on the phone with me, but did not give me anything more than a thanks. So the next day I went up to the nearby monastery and talked to a monk, who had been in the program a while. He gave me some help and I was grateful for what he did.
I went on with the rest of these Steps over time. Quite a while. But I never really gave up on the Fourth. I had learned in here that we would work these Steps imperfectly, because the only Step we could do perfectly was the First. And so, over the years I spent a lot of time writing journals. And there were often things which came up and I would put down. Things I hadn’t remembered. And generally I would do a Fifth with someone. In fact I still think I do things today, which are part of this. Might just go all the way.
I’ve done what I could. What I think I should. In fact, like someone said today, I probably go to the Tenth from time to time and do it there. Like I was told and believe, I’m still here to practice these Steps. And I’m still sober and grateful for all of this.
I know that over time I took a lot of Fifth Steps. But I also know that others have come to me and told me what was going on. And that too has helped me a lot, because it’s always a great reminder of things I have often forgot and that I could share with them.
Anyway the meeting provided me with a lot of refreshment. Made me grateful. And reminded me of why I am here each and everyday. To stay sober this day. And this always works, because of my Higher Power, the program itself, and all the people I have known and who have helped me all the way. I know I need to say “Thanks” to all, and continue to put this program into action in my life and let me hopefully help others like myself. Freely given and freely giving. That’s what I learned and I know it works.