Every once in a while I need to go back to the BB and read and think about the chapter, There Is A Solution. That latter part of that chapter is about that young man, who had gone and seen Dr. Jung in Switzerland. One of the reasons I do this is because there was a sentence in it, which caught my attention. The young man was told, “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic.” And I knew the minute I read that this was me. It changed my mind and my attitude.
Somehow I realized that, whoever or whatever that man was, something within me had caught onto the character the doctor described. Up to that point I was reading the BB, but not as seriously as I probably should. This concept of “chronic alcoholic” well described me. I knew from the way alcohol owned me that I was totally locked in. And then the rest of what Jung said to him hit me.
Unlike this young alcoholic, I had already surrendered to my Higher Power. He had yet to do that, but what the doctor told him all of a sudden made sense to me. I hadn’t done that actually. I mean I had prayed and gave myself over. The alcohol was gone and I came into the program. But as far as the spiritual life went I was not there. I had just decided I would never drink again. Didn’t realize how dangerous that was.
He told him he was going to have to have a “vital spiritual experience”. That had never really made an entry into my heart and mind. And here it was. I was also interested in how the young man handled this. He told the doctor was dedicated to religion. Jung told him that wasn’t enough. He needed to go beyond that and have a vital spiritual experience. And the amazing thing is that he did and changed and became a very helpful person to this program.
As a result for me I knew that actually had to happen for me. I thought it was one thing to have been given this gift of sobriety, but now I was going to have to find out how to relate to this Higher Power, who had freed me. And that meant I was going to have to learn how to work this program for the first time. And about this time my old sponsor opened the door. He led me into the Fourth Chapter We Agnostics. That was what showed me what I needed. I was going to have to find a way to live a spiritual way of life and come to believe in a Higher Power.
Like most things in here, it didn’t happen over night. Again it took time. And still is going on in doing what I need. However it did help me begin to do the other Steps and to change my thinking about my staying sober. I had to realize that believing that I could stay sober the rest of my life was a very dangerous trap. I needed to stop and begin to realize that I needed to stay sober a day at a time. And I needed to go to meetings and pay attention and listen. I had to learn and not to project beyond this day.
Anyway, I was glad that I was talking to alcoholics like myself, sharing and being shared with. The giving of those old timers, who told me I needed to accept and then give freely myself. Have to remember and be thankful to my Higher Power and all those, who have helped me.