What a great thought was brought up today. Discipline. That pretty much opened a lot for me. I was kind of surprised, because I never stopped and thought about that word in my life. Being able to live this life by learning to do what I so much need to do. And that’s to try each and everyday to do what I need to do, rather than what it is I may want to do.
In other words I learned through this program, my sponsor, and a lot of old timers, that I needed to focus on trying to do what I believe my Higher Power wants me to do or not do. And that takes discipline. I knew back, when I began to learn these things in here that it was not going to be easy, I was still thinking I knew what I should be doing. Or what it was I felt I needed to do. And I began to stumble and bumble. Fortunately I did not go back out and drink again. Instead I got my sponsor and others to tell me what I was to either do or not.
One of the things I began to learn in here was to do what I needed to do each and every day. Or not. The same. What I needed. And the bottom line was I needed to remember just why I need to do this way of life. And basically that is to stay sober a day at a time. I had to remember what happened to my first sponsor, who had ten years at that time. He had a resentment and acted on it. He went out and got drunk and as a result he died.
He and another alcoholic, almost at the same time, who had ten years. He went back out and drank on a resentment and also died. That hit me and woke me up.
The BB tells us that there may come a time when we will have no defense against that first drink. Happened unfortunately to those two alcoholics. And I have seen it many times since. I don’t ever want to go there. I suffered enough from alcohol and almost killed myself. I have to be grateful that someone gave me hope, which led to prayer and surrender. What a wake up call.
Discipline means to me that I have to practice what I need to do or not. And that’s each and every day in here. The amazing result is that I have grown in peace and happiness. Who would have expected that? I know there were times, when I felt kind of a negative bite within. For some reason I had to learn how to put things aside because I was trying to think I was in control of me and my life in here. And time and effort taught me how wrong I was and had to change. But I had to learn to practice discipline. Not always easy at first.
And all of this is, hopefully, a way of following the will of my Higher Power and this program. And it is part of my staying sober a day at a time. It is also what has taught me how to grow up. I had failed to do that all the time I was out there deciding to do whatever it was that I wanted to do, regardless of the consequences. I had to learn how to stop doing that. Every time I hear this friend of mine, who wanted to be in control, announce how he needs to get out of the driver’s seat and go to the back of the bus, is a wake up call for me. And then I’m reminded of the Serenity Prayer. I’m not in charge.
Anyway I am grateful for all I have begun to learn and do in here. Or not do. It is, like I said, one way of giving thanks to my Higher Power and this program. And thanks to so many others, who have helped me to change. Peace and happiness. Staying sober.