Every time at meetings, when we run into an alcoholic who has just gone back out drinking, I have to stop and think about what it was like back when I stopped drinking. One of those things is that I am always grateful for the wake up call it brings to most of us. And then what goes on with the group and their thoughts.
Today, when this alcoholic told us what he had done by drinking, it brought out a lot of good thoughts about sobering up and a willingness to seek sobriety. Hopefully he was willing to listen. Not easy to tell, when there was no response, beyond his opening statement.
I know that there were two of us, who had stopped drinking and stayed stop for the rest of our lives. Then there were others, who went in and out and finally ceased drinking.
When it finally came my turn to speak, I told him how I tried to stop drinking by killing myself. I remember I could never forget my going out of the bar and was on the way to end my life, when I was stopped and given hope by someone, who had just heard about the AA program. I knew nothing about it, but some how I was able to begin to change. It opened up the prayer to my Higher Power, where I was willing to turn my will and my life over to him, if he would free me from the possession alcohol had over me.
Hopefully I told him about what I had brought in here with me, even though I had stopped drinking. And that was my personal dishonesty, my negative emotions, like hate and resentments, which ran my life. I also felt that I knew the answers to all of this.
Fortunately I met an old timer, who knew what was wrong with me and told me that I didn’t know, that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And he was right. It was the beginning of opening up this way of life for me. The miracle is that I’m still sober a day at a time.
Anyway I have to be grateful I was given the opportunity to tell him. I also spoke to him after the meeting, gave him my number, and told him about this website. Not sure he will ever do anything, but I needed to try. Time will tell.
And I know it’s not in my hands. I’m not in charge. It’s up to my Higher Power and not me or anyone in here. There was a time when I thought I was, but all of that has changed over time. Makes me willing to do what I need to do, and then let go. Hopefully the ego mania I was formally run by, has been reduced. I need to do what I was given by my sponsor, this program, and those in here, who freely gave me what I so desperately needed. Makes me so grateful to my Higher Power, and all those who freely gave me what I needed.