Every night I try to take the time, before I go to sleep, to read the next date from the 24 Hour a Day book, so that I can be reminded of why I am here. And that’s to do whatever it takes to stay sober a day at a time.
I had to take a moment to stop and think about that. Because it’s really what I learned from my old sponsor. To be able to focus on why I am here each and every day. I came here, hopefully, to stay sober. And to realize what it is that helps to keep me doing that.
The most obvious is that by myself, I probably wouldn’t be here. I go back and read and then am reminded that I believe that I’m not responsible for stopping drinking alcohol. By myself I know I could never stop drinking alcohol. I tried everything I could to stop. Then, when I couldn’t, I was so devastated that I decided to kill myself.
So I was on my way to do so, totally depressed, when a friend of mine had discovered what neither of us knew about. And that was AA. I knew nothing about it, except he said that there were men and women, who would help us. And that gave me hope for the first time in a very long time.
That night I stopped and prayed desperately to my Higher Power and begged for help and promised I would do anything he wanted me to do. I went to sleep and woke up the next day and alcohol was gone from my mind and my desire. It has never really come back. And I know I never really did that. My Higher Power, the God of my understanding did.
Then I came into this program and I really didn’t know what to do. Not only that, but everything about me, after years of drinking, was entirely negative. I had to change, but I didn’t know how. So there I was, having (I later found out) surrendered to the First Step. And that’s when my old sponsor taught me to do the Second Step, which again, was an opening to a spiritual life, and a very direct relationship with my Higher Power.
And then the rest of the Steps and the program, the spiritual life, and my relationship with God, and all these old timers in here, began to get rid of who I had become, and opened the door to a new way of life and made me a new sober and peaceful and happy alcoholic. I owe all this to my Higher Power, this program, and all those in here, who helped me to change. I owe all my thanks for this wonderful gift I had never been aware of. I know I’m here to be of help and service to others, which is an expression of gratitude for the gifts I have been given. And to hopefully begin to have the humility to understand and practice, and be of service to my Higher Power.