Every once and a while I need to go back and remind myself that I need to check on something in here, which I had thought I had learned. And one of those was the BB warning that there may come a time when we will have no defense against our drinking again. And I may have believed I knew, but that’s not what happened to me.
We were out to dinner one night with my wife’s family. All the men were drinking, except for myself. I was not bothered by any of this as the night went on. After dinner we went next door to the package store the restaurant owner also ran. And he was a friend to her family. So, when we went in he told all the men to open the lockers and help themselves to drinks. They did and they threw a can of soda over to me, because they knew I hadn’t had a drink of alcohol in two years.
I caught that can and was suddenly in a rage. I mean here I was being insulted by these men. That rage continued to grow and I was going to go over and push the men away from that locker and grab a drink of alcohol. I had also decided, if they wanted to block me I was going to kill them. Insane? Yes! But that was what was going on inside of me.
Fortunately my wife saw something was wrong and stopped me and asked me what was going on with me. I told her what I was thinking, and she said I should step outside the door and pray and ask God to help me. It worked. I did what she said, and all of a sudden I didn’t want a drink of alcohol. Talk about a miracle. This was it. It was exactly what the BB said I needed to do.
Like today, I often go back and think about these things, because I know it’s important that I do. How often my old sponsor and those old timers would remind me of what it is I need to do. To learn what this program has taught me and to follow through. It often reminds me of a prayer I have learned to say over and over again and again. “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better serve thee.”
That’s not the prayer I said that night. All I did was ask for help and that’s what I was given. Only later on I learned this prayer, and, like I said, I often repeat this almost every day. And not just once a day, but often.
Of course I have alcoholics like myself call me, and ask for a sense of help. And I always go back and tell them how I have been affected by things in here, including that one. I haven’t done that recently and I know I need to do that for some. And I will. It’s part of what I need to do over and over again. Part of what was given to me by my old sponsor and those old timers, which has helped me so often.
It’s not to show others how “smart I am”. I know I need the humility to not to think I am important. It’s simply the right thing to do. To have compassion for others like myself. Other than that, I have to always remember I am not in charge. I’m simply here to do the will of my Higher Power, and then step back and go on with my life. Like I said, I know I am not that important.