Tonight was the icing on the cake. Lots of irritants today. Made me edgy. Finally the house suddenly got filled with people, not just talking loud, but near the point of yelling over each other in the other room. And that’s where my sponsor came in.
Years ago, when I would go to him with my complaints, especially about my temper, he would say, “First calm the disturbance”. I would think about that and try to practice that. Eventually it began to come true. I learned how to quiet my emotions. To step back and take a deep breath and then come to peace with myself.
Of course I didn’t try to do that alone. I relied on my higher power to help me with this. And I did just that tonight.
I think it worked. In moments after remembering that and leaving the room and turning on some quieting music, I was able to get in touch with the help I needed.
How judgmental I can get at times. Critical. And, when I think about it, as I did tonight with my higher power, I could see that I was no one to talk about anyone else. But pressed, I can get that way very easily. And that’s when I can begin to get cut off from the sunlight of the spirit.
I can’t forget that I’m still powerless over alcohol. And I know how treacherous it can get for me to be locked into a resentment. I’m still not immune. Though I’m not conscious of a drink, unconsciously the drink is still there, as it is for all of us. I’ve seen too many, who over the years picked up a drink over their anger and resentments.
What doesn’t seem like a big thing, doesn’t look like a threat, is just that. I don’t want to go there. But, who really did?
Anyway, couldn’t pass this up and needed to stop and think about this. Still human and still not done. And I’m grateful for all the help I have been given and the reminders of what I need to do to stay sober one more day.