The reading today became the topic. The joy of living, the theme of the Twelfth Step. And the word “theme” means just what it became; a discussion, or a meditation. I guess this is what this is.
I was thinking that, when I hit the Ninth Step and received the 12 Promises, the new freedom and new happiness were the zenith of what could happen for a chronic alcoholic like myself. But joy? That was something else. I couldn’t believe it at first.
I had to ask myself did I truly have joy? How would I know? I knew what the happiness was, but this was new. Then, when I found myself on Twelfth Step calls, I began to understand. I really enjoyed what was the opportunity given to me. Anytime I was working with others, it was the same.
As I sat there today I also realized I enjoy the meetings. I enjoy being sober. Happiness comes as a result of right living. But joy to me is not so much a feeling as it is a state of being. I enjoy this way of living, although I may not be conscious of it consistently, because my mind may be distracted. Not perfect. Still human. But the moment I’m back in the present and aware I find that enjoyment still present.
Joy to me is like gratitude. I’m aware of being grateful, but I don’t always have a feeling of gratitude. To me gratitude is just like the joy of living. It’s really and action word. What action do I take to express my gratitude? Usually things like going to meetings and being open to share and be an example to others. And that’s exactly what the joy of living is. It’s being open and willing to take the action necessary to carry the message, the solution to our alcoholism. Then doing it, when the opportunity presents itself.
Both are the result of my attitude. If I have a positive attitude at any given moment, I know I’m ready to express my gratitude and find myself in a place where I enjoy what I am doing. The joy of living. And guess what? I just as often find myself happy doing what I’m prepared to do.
As I sit here thinking about all of this, I find that I’m experiencing what I was thinking. Not so much a feeling as it is a realization of how much I enjoy being sober and living this way of life. And remembering what I am trying to do is to live a spiritual way of life, the very foundation of my sobriety. Makes me grateful.