Talking today about the blessings we have received because we are sober. One person wanted to talk about the Promises, but most took it to another level. For instance, beyond our wildest dreams. That was what hit me, as I was talking about the promises.
How often I’m almost overwhelmed with the thought of what it is I have been given. I mean, in spite of the fact that I had lost control over alcohol and was drinking myself into darkness and headed toward death, here I am today sober. A miracle to say the least. It’s like having lived two lives. Almost half my life in sobriety and the other half where half of it was in the nightmare of my alcoholism. The last half of my early life, about twenty years or more, spent being drunk and lost. Miserable, out of control, a prisoner to my disease. And now happy, joyous, and free.
And often, as I think about this, I’m driven back to the 12&12. The First Step. Why all this insistence on bottoms? Because it is pain, which drives us to surrender. Like it asks, who is going to be willing to do the Twelve Steps unless we’re faced with an awful alcoholic death? Are we willing to listen as only the dying are? And it points out that it’s here we learn the fatal nature of this disease. What is it that gets our attention and tells us we’d better give up and come into this program or else?
For me it was the loss of hope. Total despair. The inside of me was a black hole. I had tried to stop drinking and yet I was lost in alcohol each and everyday. My family rarely saw me or knew where I was or where I was going. My children knew they had a father and that was about all. They didn’t know me. And my wife had given up. I was lost to them and myself. They never knew or really understood. Nor did I. My insanity had driven me to thinking I’d be better off committing suicide.
And then one day I was given hope that there was a way out. That was the day that I was driven to prayer for the first time in many years. I begged God for help and surrendered totally. And that’s when, without knowing it, had a spiritual awakening, as people have pointed out to me. I was relieved of alcohol. Unbelievable, when I think about it. And then ended up here five days later and have been here ever since.
Happy, joyous, and free is what the BB tells us they believed the God of our understanding wants for us. And that’s what I have to think. No one can explain it to me. I just accept that’s what is. I had to do what everyone else, who comes here has to do. To put this program into action and try to live a spiritual way of life. Like one man pointed out to me it’s one thing to have hope and faith, but it takes action each and every day. And that action starts with prayer and going to meetings.
Anyway, just thinking about staying sober and grateful for all that I have been given.