“Don’t tell me; show me.” That was one of the things my sponsor would say to me, when the subject of willingness came up. I could talk all I wanted to about what I had learned in the program, but my sponsor said he didn’t want to hear talk. If I really meant what I said, I would do it. The old we can talk the talk, but can we walk the walk?
Often times I would find myself gripped by fear, when I thought about taking the next step in order. My mouth was still running, but my feet stayed where they were. This was especially true, when it came to Steps Eight and Nine. My sponsor didn’t push me, but he sure knew how to nudge me along.
Procrastination has always been a major defect of mine. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? But that wasn’t always what was holding me back. I was afraid of what I would become, if I did such and such. Change will always hold me up, until it becomes to painful not to take the steps necessary. That old ‘what’s going to happen to me?’ idea. For instance, what would I become, if I were to get rid of all my character defects? Why, I just might become a saint. When I mentioned that to my sponsor, he laughed and laughed. He told me that I had nothing to worry about. My chances of becoming one were slim and none.
So went those early years in the program. But, what about now? All the things I had done in the past contributed to my being sober. But what about today? Am I still willing to move forward, or am I just running my mouth without any action on my part? One man once wrote that he worried about whether he practiced what he preached, until he realized it would be better to preach what he practiced. The sermons would be much shorter.
The reason I was thinking about this is the Seventh Step. What has my Tenth Step revealed? I was running this through my mind the past few days and something someone said a long time ago popped up. A short form of the Seventh Step prayer. “Oh, God, if you don’t stop me, I will continue to do the things I have been doing.”
I was thinking how much I still want to stay sober. I don’t ever want to go back to where I was before I came in. I think I will trust God and ask for the willingness to do the next right thing.