So, what’s the problem? The BB says that we’re problem people and that our problems are of our own making. That’s just the way life is. We have problems. Everyone has problems. And, just because we got sober and are living, or are supposed to be living, a spiritual way of life, does not make us immune to problems.
The problem with problems is that they just might get us drunk.
Most of us, or at least me, is that I grew up with the understanding that I had to solve my own problems. It was up to me. The problem with that was that, when I sought the solution to my problems, my problems grew worse and worse. And, I drank more and more.
Then, I came to this program and AA offered me a solution to my drinking problem. That was such a relief, that I at first forgot my problems. I was sober at last. I was on a spiritual high for a while, the “pink cloud”, and despite what was going on around me, I didn’t notice that my problems were mounting up. Then, the roof caved in and I found that’s all I had were problems. It’s a wonder I didn’t drink. Reluctantly I followed directions, because that’s all I could do. I had to. But, was that the answer?
What I discovered over time was that there was a solution to my problems. I didn’t have to solve my problems. But there was something within me, which made my problems worse. Something, which exagerated my problems and magnified them to the point where they became almost overwhelming. My feelings, my emotions, my thinking, which released all my character defects and cut me off from the solution. It became clear that my problems were of my own making. My fears, my anxiety, my worries generated anger and a lot more to pile my problems to unbelievable proportions. I was cut off from the promises of this program.
We will intuitively know how to handle problems which formerly baffled us. When I am fearful, proud, and angry, I am cut off from the sunlight of the spirit and intuition. I’m back to having to solve my own problems. As I said, that never worked. But, when I’m free from the restrictions of my defects, I can have the solution, which AA and my higher power offers to me. If I will just practice this program on a daily basis and maintain my spiritual condition, then I find myself in the solution and not the problem.
On the plus side, problems are a source of spiritual growth. If I can put them into perspective, I can find that the pain they can cause is an opportunity for spiritual growth. We’re told that pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth. Not suffering. Suffering is a luxury I can ill afford. It will contribute to cutting me off from the solution.
So, the conclusion I am forced to draw from all of this is that I am the problem. I’m at the root cause and the reason I suffer so much from my problems. Every time I find myself suffering from my problems I am right back where I was, when I was drinking. My sponsor told me that when I live that way, I will sooner or later be back to the bottle. That’s a place I never want to go again.
Anyway, that’s what I was thinking this afternoon.