The thought of why and how I’m still here, sober, came up today. And my first thought was, it’s not my fault. Even though I know that I have a responsibility to apply this program to my life on a daily basis, that doesn’t always answer the question.
What answers it is in Chapter 5 of the BB. It tells me this is the how and why of it. First I had to stop playing God and next I had to get a new manager in my life. At least I think that’s what it is. I think that’s how this program works and why it works. And that’s why and how I’m still here…sober.
I don’t know if I should be telling these two stories, but they’re a reminder. A fish comes up to an old fish and asks where the ocean is. The older fish tells him that he’s in it and all he has to do is look around him. The younger fish swims away sadly, still looking for the ocean. An old teacher tells his student that he has spent a lifetime looking for God and walks away feeling sad. All he had to do was to look.
All I have to do is to stop playing God, trying to control the uncontrollable, and look around me. When I do, I see the evidence of the God of my understanding everywhere, especially in the meetings. I see alcoholics doing what is most unnatural thing they can do; they’re not drinking and living sober and serene lives, even in the face of, sometimes, tragic events. We’ve all been there and didn’t drink.
It’s all in the program. It’s due to the program. And the program is the 12 steps. If I will but take the action necessary, I remain sober. It’s amazing and so simple. Almost too simple for someone like me. I have to get off my high horse and just follow the guidelines set out for me by the BB, my sponsor’s words and encouragement, and, with the help of others, do what’s asked of me. When I step back into the driver’s seat, I almost invariably run into trouble. A friend of mine is always saying, “Get out of the driver’s seat and move to the back of the bus”.
I was thinking about that today and think I’ll go to the back of the bus and look out at the scenery. My job is often to just look.