We were on a twelfth step call today and a number of thoughts came to mind. One of them concerned spirituality. What is it? If you had asked me that, when I came in, I would have been able to talk for hours on this subject.
I knew everything about everything. At least I thought I did.
Eventually that way of thinking began to slowly come to end. Especially since my sponsor kept hammering away at me, what it said in the BB about letting go of the old ideas absolutely or the result would be nil. I couldn’t afford nil. Nil would mean that I was going to die an alcoholic death. To hell with nil. How was I going to get rid of nil? It was almost impossible for me to let go of all these old ideas I had grown up with and all the education I received which reinforced them.
I reached a point finally where I was willing to take some risks. I came to the conclusion, with the help of my sponsor and others to take a leap of faith. That leap into darkness; the unknown. I’d close my eyes and just release the death grip I had on nil. I would stop being so careless as to tell you and all the rest all that I knew about everything and finally admit that I knew nothing. Especially when it came to subjects like God and spirituality.
A friend of mine and I were talking about spirituality and what it was, when I realized what had gone on in that “three on one” we were having with the man who was in the midst of suffering so much from his alcoholism. What we were doing there was exactly that: spirituality. Or as one of ours put it “12 step spirituality”. I like that. It describes so much of the indescribable. At least for me.
I realize today that every time I attend a meeting, regardless of how I may think that meeting is or isn’t, what is going on is spiritual. It’s the essence of what my spiritual condition is. If I really want to stay sober, and I do, what goes on, when I’m in the presence of others like me, my spiritual condition is being tended to, though I may not necessarily be conscious of it. But it’s better if I am.
Anyway, I was thinking about this at the moment and grateful for the opportunities with which I have been blessed.