We talk to live and we live to talk. It’s amazing how much this has to do with our staying sober. When we stop this process and withdraw from others, we stop talking and we start thinking. We begin to spiral downward. I know that I have gone through that process, but thank God for my sponsor and old timers, who interrupted that and got me back on track.
Going back and looking at what happened back then, I can see what the ultimate solution would have been. I would definitely picked up a drink again. But, like I said, intervention saved me from myself. I say saved me from myself, because I know now it was my pride, which was driving me to the brink and a drink.
Pride, which can keep me from sharing with others and allowing them to return that sharing. I can use any excuse I want to, just like I did, when I was drinking. Rationalizing what was going on, but it was pride. I was too big and too smart, even though I felt that I was very small and unworthy. I could tell myself what was wrong, but in the end it was me. It’s called self pity and resentment.
And all I had to do was talk. All I had to do was get honest and let people know what was going on with me. But pride stepped in and I developed all these thoughts about everyone and everything. I had stopped praying, meditating, reading, and listening. I had allowed my feelings to take over and do my thinking for me. The spiritual life was slipping away, sober thinking was beginning to deteriorate, and I was near just hanging on with the physical part of myself. I didn’t even know the danger I was in.
We were talking to a few people, who were coming back today. I wondered, as did others, what it was we could say to them and the thought hit me: TALK! For God’s sake tell others what is going on and then listen. Talking is to me a form of prayer. Praying and asking for help. So is listening, if we can just push the pride aside.
I was thinking of this, as I sat with a couple of friends from the program and we were just talking and listening to one another. I knew that they, like me, had a sincere desire to stay sober. As I walked away I had this feeling of something holy which had just transpired. I am so grateful for them and so many others who went before and saved my sobriety and my life.