They cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. That’s back in the Doctor’s Opinion, where he’s talking about the alcoholic still drinking. I was thinking about this again today. The reason is that there are times when I still think this is true, especially in my life.
All it takes for me to arrive at a point like this is for something to happen, where I find myself becoming intolerant. One man with some sobriety said something today, which put it in perspective. He said he had made gains in being tolerant, unless someone disagreed with him. Then he would become intolerant. It doesn’t have to be an argument. It can be someones actions or words. All someone has to do is to get in my way or cause a delay and that old bugaboo intolerance rears its ugly head. I forget the truth and I’m caught in a place of falsehood. One of those falsehoods is that I believe I am free to do and think as I want and still stay sober.
I read something last night, which really caught my attention. It was about a man, who came across a store with the sign The Truth Shop. Curious he went in and a clerk asked him what kind of truth did he want; partial or whole. His answer was the whole truth. No partial truth for him. The price he was told was very high for the whole truth. He said it didn’t matter, he was willing to pay for it. How much was it? Your security, was the reply. He said he left with a heavy heart, since he needed the safety of his unquestioned beliefs. (Anthony De Mello “The Song of the Bird”)
That story reminded me of what this program is all about. It’s about leading a spiritual life, which has given me my sobriety. It reminded me that I need an open mind, in order to continue to grow along spiritual lines. It brought home to me the truth that I have to strive to effect change within myself, if I want to remain sober. The means I need to do all of this is in the Steps. And, everyday is a new day, where I need to continue to practice tolerance and let go of the anger, which can result from intolerance.
I’m once again reminded that it’s anger which can lead back to the insanity of drinking again. I guess this is where I have to renew my resolve to practice this program in all of my affairs. I want to stay sober. I have come to love this life in sobriety.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today.