We were talking about our wildest dreams today. I listened and thought that my wildest dream was realized, when I was relieved of the sickness of drinking. Nothing could top that. I had never imagined that freedom from alcohol would ever happen in my life. It did and I still see that the best thing that ever happened to me was AA.
But, what I really thought about is what happens to us when something seemingly awful happens to us and interrupts this dream? Right away the thought of something the Dalai Lama once said came to mind. Something I and others have learned over time from our own experience. He said to the effect that some of the worst things that happen, happen to our own benefit.
I certainly know that to be true. But at the time they were happening, it felt like the worst things in the world.
I remember a number of episodes in my sober life, which seemed to be crushing defeats and failures. It was only after wards that I was able to realize that these life changing events worked to turn me around and set my feet on a new path. If I had planned to end up where I did, I could see it would never have worked. My sponsor and others, while I was going through these periods, pointed out to me what I needed to do. It seemed to have nothing to do with what I was going through at the time. They told me to concentrate on the program and to persevere, and place my dependence on my Higher Power.
At the time this seemed to be a fainthearted message of support, considering how I was feeling at the times these things were going on. Yet, it worked. I stayed sober and my life, my thinking, and my attitudes underwent a revolutionary change. As much as I fought their ideas, I found myself surrendering more and more to the program and it truly became my consolation.
None of this, it seems, was any of my doing. What it was the slow process of becoming willing to follow directions. My sponsor said to me that when all else fails, follow directions. I eventually did and came out the other side, changed by the experience. A friend of mine up here puts it a different way. He always says, “What part of God’s plan don’t you like?” What indeed?
Anyway, these thoughts came to mind as I pondered on this today.