Lack of power is what we suffered from, when we come in. We’re told that we had to find a power greater than ourselves to solve our alcohol problem. That lack is only the beginning, but it is a beginning we have to make or we’ll perish in the bottle.
When I came in, I had a whole lot of things I had to learn. One of them was that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. After all, I had been well educated in a lot of areas, particularly in theology and philosophy. So, I was convinced that I had a handle on the “God thing”. That’s when the 4th Chapt. opened my eyes. It was an area where I really believed I didn’t need help. I was to learn how wrong I was.
This is the point where I was to learn what the man, who went to Dr. Jung, learned. He had been a “religious” man; he had beliefs. But, like I was to find out for myself, that wasn’t enough. If I wanted to recover from my alcoholism, I was going to have to find a faith. I was to learn that there was a big difference between belief and faith. Further, I was to discover that for all my learning and belief, I was really an agnostic. What a revelation! It was to lead to a revolution and eventually an evolution.
But, if thought I was only powerless over alcohol, I was in for a surprise. The door was opened, my mind was to be slowly opened, and I was to learn how powerless I was over a host of things, including many of my character defects.
What I did learn, early on, was how I lacked discipline. And for all I thought I knew, I was to learn a whole new aspect on this matter of discipline. It didn’t mean, what I thought it meant. The word itself means to learn, not to be corrected in a punishing sense, as I thought. In a sense, I was to become a disciple. One who learns. And I had much to learn.
One thing I learned was that eventually I would have power. The power to help others. This is what I was thinking about today. I had to learn, as those who went before me were to learn, that it was possible to help another without taking on their burdens for them. I could easily get buried in that kind of experience. In fact I could become no help at all doing that. I can share but not carry the person to be helped. But just that can often be enough to open the doors for them. After all, I was to learn that all that awful stuff I went through before is pure gold and I’m to share the wealth.
Anyway, I was thinking about the Chapter “We Agnostics” this morning and going back and reading parts of it. I needed to remind myself of where I came from and what I have learned since coming in. It’s good to be refreshed. It makes me grateful for all that I have learned about what I didn’t know.