One thing I knew, when I came into the program, was that I was disconnected from other people. I was paranoid and uncomfortable with people, especially crowds of people. I trusted no one.
But, the BB tells us that we were people who ordinarily wouldn’t get together. Alcohol drove us to gather with one another. It was the common denominator in all groups. We either got together or we would die alone. We were literally under the gun.
So, I came to meetings, fearful of ever drinking again and hung on for dear life, at the same time full of loathing and fear.
I couldn’t ask for help. I didn’t know how. So many in the group made helpful suggestions to me and others like me. Those first strokes I was given began to penetrate my consciousness and slowly I learned that their reaching out went just so far. Even my first sponsor and the one who followed were egging me on to take the first steps in asking questions, no matter how foolish I felt. What I was beginning to learn was how to live and get along with others. I had lost all that in my drinking.
I was thinking about that today, when we were talking about the first step and what it meant to be powerless. A few of us were talking about our first temptation to go back to the drink and how powerless we felt and how we had to contact a power greater than ourselves for help. My first real power was others in this fellowship. I can remember how my first sponsor went back out and died. That was what got me to open up. His example to me was that if I didn’t reach out for help I could end up just like him. I was truly powerless in going it alone.
We were talking about the “we” today. I need to remember that always.