It takes me an act of will to switch from the negative to the positive. I was thinking about this today, when talking to a friend of mine. How important is it to my sobriety? Very.
It means that I have to remember that one of my character defects is the one which drags me down into complacency. That’s sloth. I don’t think there’s anyone, who really wants to call themselves lazy. Not in this workaday world. But the truth is that I can very easily sit back and drift into two very terrible places. The one is complacency, which I can see leads us back into skipping and dropping meetings and hence the program, because everything is okay. The other is to not trouble myself to confront the negative bent of this alcoholic mind, where everything is not okay. In fact in crisis.
I learned a long time ago that neither of these states of mind will help me to stay sober. In fact, just the opposite. I learned from my sponsor that I have to practice an act of will to nip the negative in me in the bud. And, if I do slip up, which can be more often than not, I’ve had to learn to start my day over, as soon as possible.
My sponsor taught me, mostly by example, that I had to learn to smile. That didn’t come naturally to me. I can recall one man, who used to call me “depression Ned”. Talk about high praise. So, I used to have to force myself to smile. It didn’t come naturally. But it was what was behind the grouch or the smiler, which allowed me to change. But both the inner and outer actions were necessary for me to make this change from the negative to the positive. I had to get my insides to match my outside.
I had to learn to think positive thoughts. This all began, when I realized that I needed hope in my life. And I got that from the fact that there was a solution to my alcoholic problem. And it wasn’t enough to just realize that there was a solution. I had to learn to foster that hope on a daily basis. I had to learn discipline, which did not come naturally to me. I had to learn to surrender and accept every day. All this was given to me and supported by the members of AA, with whom I associated. I had to go to meetings and let the people there give me the refreshment of the spirit within me.
I know now, that when anyone says anything negative about me, that I can laugh at myself. Because I’ve learned not to take myself seriously. I take what I do to stay sober and this program very seriously. But myself, no.
That’s why I often think of and bring up the 2nd Step at meetings. To me it was the solution. Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. To think a power greater than myself was there to help me. It opened the door to the rest of this program. It was the beginning of hope. A hope, which has led to a faith, and eventually a love for my higher power and others. And for that I’m eternally grateful.