Someone says something and it’s bait for our defects. How easy it is to take the bait. How difficult it is to avoid. It takes practice and willingness.
One thing I have learned, with a lot of stumbling, fumbling, and bumbling, is to keep my mouth shut. We were talking about that today. It doesn’t come naturally to the alcoholic, who, no matter whether we’re right or wrong, are always right. Always justified.
The hardest thing, Bill W. tells us, is to learn humility. For self centered, ego centered, people like us, the idea of being humble seems an impossibility. After all, I have my pride.
The result of practicing pride, or being macho, standing up for myself and responding to others, is the inevitable resentment, which follows most of these scenarios.
I can tell myself that I didn’t come here to be a saint. Like my sponsor told me, there is little hope of that. Nor a little goody two shoes. But, that’s not what this is about. If I want to stay sober and live a sober life, the chaos that is the result of these kinds of conflicts has to go. Sobriety, as I learned it, is coming to a state of being comfortable with myself. Achieving some peace of mind and serenity. In other words to grow up. To become a mature adult in all aspects of what that means.
Achieving emotional maturity is not and easy path. It means learning to take control of my emotions, rather than allowing my emotions to control me. That can only be accomplished by the practice of not letting others live inside my head, as I so often did, while I was drinking. But not only drinking, because I brought that stuff in with me.
Anyway, I was thinking about this after the meeting today. How I frequently have to tell myself to shut up and mind my own business. Even when others are trying to make their business my business. Just ask for my higher power’s help and then to say to myself “shut up!”.