How do I live a spiritual life? That’s what’s been on my mind.
First of all, I didn’t come here to live a spiritual life. Far from it. I came here to get sober. Then I learned that in order to get sober and stay sober I had to learn how to live a spiritual life. I had to get a higher power, turn my will and my life over to the care of a God of my understanding, and then work the rest of the Steps. The result was that I would have a spiritual awakening, which would bring about a psychic change. I would be different than I was, when I came into this program. Plus my sobriety would be dependent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
All well and good. That’s what happened to me. However, here I am, still sober, and often wondering how this has come about. What is it I have done which has maintained my sobriety thus far?
I sometimes go back to the man on the NY Offices board of governors, who spoke back in ’55. A non alcoholic, he said that he marveled at all of these sober people, who were living a spiritual life in a material world. And that’s exactly what I was thinking. Somehow I must be doing just that. Really?
I don’t often think of myself as spiritual. I mean I do pray and often meditate. I do apply these Steps to my life most of the time. All of this imperfectly at best. My 10th Step tells me that on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s better and sometimes not.
I’m told to practice these (spiritual) principles in all of my affairs. I think the word “tried” is in there. I sometimes have to stop and ask myself, have I really tried? In meetings with others like myself, that practicing is much easier than outside the meetings. I’m retired now, but looking back at those times I was in my work places, practicing was much more difficult. I wonder how I got through all of that. And then there’s the family and friends, who are not alcoholics. That’s not always been easy to say the least. But over the years, a day at a time, I think I’ve tried to improve. To learn to mind my own business and keep my thoughts to myself. In other words to shut up, when tempted. Been pretty tough at times.
After scanning my inventories I found a thought, which may help somewhat. It was that word “tried”. I think it starts at the beginning of my day, when I try to turn my life and will over to my higher power. The fact that I may fail, when I attempt to carry that out is not as important, as my becoming willing to live a better life. I really don’t know. All I know is that something spiritual must be going on. That’s why I always think I’m sober in spite of myself.
Anyway, I was thinking about this for a time now. I just keep on hoping I’m doing my best. Probably not, but I stay anchored to hope, which is the basis for what faith I have.