Sometimes I have to step back and ask where my higher power, the God of my understanding is in all of this. Things can get so confusing at times that there’s nothing else I can do but just step back, stop, and be quiet.
There was a lot going on around me today. I’m sure I’m not alone, but it’s effect on me led to my getting on edge. Just a hair away from being outright angry. And, I know that when I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me.
I wasn’t getting my way in the meeting today. Even though the 12 Steps were part of the subject, there was a lot of pop psychology being displayed. More group therapy and less about the program. None of the 5th Tradition. That the group ought to be a spiritual entity whose primary purpose is to carry the AA message to the alcoholic, who still suffers. And a woman with less than three days sitting in the back.
I kept my mouth shut and tried to meditate in and among all the advice and analysis going on. Not too successful, but at least I didn’t do what I felt like doing. Like stopping the meeting and ask where I could find an AA meeting.
Most of what was going on could be solved by the persons going to their sponsor or to a qualified therapist or counselor. This was amateur hour. A lot of people, who have enough time to know better. I know we’re all human and want to get our two cents in, but it was irritating.
I could be wrong. Maybe I wasn’t hearing what I wanted to hear. I know that I go to meetings to listen to the solution and not the problem. But I came home to sit and try to meditate on what I needed. The question of faith and my higher power. What keeps me sober. The solution offered in the 2nd Step.
The words in the BB: God could and would, if He was sought. Thoughts which bring me to peace and offer me serenity and reinforces my sobriety. The desire to stay sober and help someone else.
Then I had to laugh, when I thought it’s a good thing I’m not running the world. Anyway, just thinking. Hopefully about sobriety. Sober thinking and living a sober life.