Something came to mind this morning, which disturbed me. It was something like a fear. What fear? That I might become complacent.
In the past I have slipped in there a couple of times. Nothing happened, but it was enough to get my attention. Self satisfaction. A sense of arrogance. Self righteousness. A total lack of awareness.
Awareness of what? That I’m not cured of this disease. I’m still powerless and the only thing between me and a drink is my higher power and this program. That’s big and healthy, but, if I’m complacent, I might just lose that contact and support.
The BB tells me that there may come a time, when I will have no mental defense against that first drink. It happened to me before a long time ago. Very scary. Thank God my wife was there and got me outside to pray and ask for help. I did and it worked.
Maybe that’s why this came up. The thought of that incident. It was on my mind this morning and I guess I thought about complacency.
I need always to be aware. Like the BB says, eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. And the life in the spirit, as I have learned through the practice of these Steps.
Anyway, I was thinking about this and how blessed I have been by the gifts I have been given in this program. An open mind, which was once sealed shut. A willingness, when I was once so rebellious. A sense of honesty, in one so dishonest. A touch of humility, in one so self centered. And then the promises as a result of a spiritual awakening. All this and more I have received. Not to forget that freedom from alcohol.
To say that I am grateful is an understatement.