Received a series of funny lines from a friend today. One of them hit a button in my brain. It was “bad judgments make good stories”. Interesting. It’s only interesting because, when I have told stories of such judgments, the wrong ones, others either end up laughing or shaking their heads.
But then there are bad judgments I fail to think about, because they don’t seem so big. They often come in the spiritual way of life. Things like deciding I don’t have time to pray or meditate. Or the moment I make up my mind, on the fly, to make a remark in turn to someone, who just got my goat. Things I don’t often think worth going back over. Wrong.
I know nothing is perfect. I’m still human. But I know that I need to try to do better. That’s what this program is all about for me. But this stuff often comes as a result of my taking control again. Not relying on my Higher Power, but making the wrong choices. Nothing seemingly big, but never right. At least for me.
But what it shows me is that that old kind of thinking I was so used to in the past is still around. Unfortunately. Not so dramatic as it was then, or damaging, but still echoes of the same old ways. It’s still damaging to me, if I will take the time to think about it.
When I do think about it, it makes me aware that this kind of stuff is the very kind of thing the BB was talking about, when it tells us that eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. I know that, but often forget, especially when I want my own way. How dumb is that? Shows me that I really need some degree of humility and much more discipline. Not letting this junk corrode my free will and my thinking.
Glad this friend sent that sentence and brought this up for me. I can only hope that it will help me pay more attention and do the right thing. It’s about sobriety for me.