A long time close friend of mine reminded me today of something that really is important to our staying sober. Language. AA has it’s own way of saying things. The problem with that is, if we are absent from meetings for a prolonged period of time we can forget that. How important is it?
Being absent from meetings and coming back and missing things and not able to say it the way we used to say things can cause a big problem. It can drive people away. And it has. Who goes away? The person, who forgot, because they may feel out of it and unwelcome. Not part of.
An old timer, whose work took him around the world came back and alerted us to this a long time ago. Most of us weren’t aware of it back in those days that we had a way of saying things. That’s because we learned early on what to say and how to say it. We learned from all those old timers. It had been going on a long time and still is.
My friend, who had reminded me of this, missed almost a week of meetings. She had been ill and came back to her first meeting yesterday. When she was called on she said she bumbled and fumbled trying to say what she meant. She knew it the minute she opened her mouth. A really uncomfortable feeling. Almost like being a new person at the meeting. She said she could see where a long term separation from the program could create a problem hard to overcome.
When a new person comes into the rooms and they open their mouths for the first time and for a long time after you know instantly they’re new. They don’t talk like us. It’s not a matter of snobbery or trying to be different. It just is. After a while the new person begins to pick up what it is we’re trying to say and adapt without knowing they are. It just is.
If someone were to ask me just what it is, I couldn’t tell them. I’ve been doing this so long that I never think about it. Except back when that old timer, who went overseas to Asian countries for periods of time, when he came back would address this to us. He was very cognizant of the difference. And he was a man with a lot of time, so he knew what he was talking about.
It’s always amazing to me just how well we all understand each other. I don’t think it’s just the way we say things, I think it’s much more than that. It’s that open mindedness and open hearted manner so many of us acquire over time. I think it’s a combination of things. I do think it starts with how well we alcoholics relate to one another. It’s also the thoughts about being sober and living a sober life. Something we share in common with one another. The spiritual life we also share. Doesn’t matter what each individual believes or not. It’s just there.
Her concern should be noted. If we can’t seem to speak or relate, then the danger is that we very well could walk away and not come back. And, as she pointed out, that’s scary.
But none of this should be a problem, if we attend meetings on a regular basis. Like they say, we can’t stay sober by ourselves. I know I need the meetings and the people in them. They certainly have contributed so much to my life and my sobriety. After all I’m still learning. I need to be there to reinforce the spiritual program within in me. To be reminded to relate and depend on my Higher Power, as well as the group.
Anyway, just more thoughts on how important my sobriety is to me. Always encourages me, when someone comes and shares their thoughts on staying sober. Can’t help but be grateful.