The topic today was about the first principles we’re supposed to be practicing. Honesty and acceptance. Great topic, but made me back up and think how I got that far in this program. And the truth is that it all started with surrender. Crashing to a bottom. Knocking that self centered ego of mine down for the first time in getting sober and staying sober.
When I think about that first moment, when I surrendered to God, as I understand Him, all I could do was give up. There wasn’t any place further that I could go. Not if I wanted to live and stop drinking for the first time in more than twenty years. Yet that first move was what freed me from the bondage of alcohol and saved my life and my sanity.
I also know that was the beginning of acceptance. At least in this program. On that last day drinking I had already accepted that I could never stop drinking no matter what I had tried and was ready to end my life I was in such despair, because I couldn’t find a way out of the alcoholic trap I was in.
Today I know that the first principle I have to practice in this program, if I want to continue to stay sober is surrender. Every morning is another moment of attempting to surrender my self centered thinking to my Higher Power. And then to accept that’s what I have to do each day. Ego deflation in depth, as Dr. Harry Tiebout encouraged sober alcoholics to do, as often as they could. Puncturing that ego inflated balloon known as myself. That was one thing those old timers would never hesitate to do for me. They and my sponsor knew exactly how to do that. And I know that’s how they learned to do that was that it was what helped them in their striving to stay sober.
When I woke up this morning, that thought was right there. Really surprised me. Yet I knew that it was what I had to ask my Higher Power to help me do, before I even got out of bed. Not always easy to accept, but I know it’s what I have to do. I never want to drink again and this is so important in the process. Just knowing this makes me grateful, even though I often want to rebel.
Thinking about sobriety.