Having a vague meditation on prayer today. I say vague, because it’s been coming and going on and off through the day. Here and there. Weird.
All this started a week or so ago. Several people wanted to talk about prayer and sometimes meditation. Asking questions or just telling me something. But just the emphasis on prayer for now has made me think more about it than I would usually.
Over time I have learned something useful for myself. To keep my prayers simple, when possible. To not be so formal, as I used to be. To become more comfortable in my words and my thoughts. At the same time to follow directions, when I get them. And I do from time to time. To do what I learned from my sponsor. Listen and learn.
For instance in talking to someone this week, when they were in the need of a certain prayer, simple and short, I told them. The person said they would remember that. Then, remembering what my sponsor had said to me, I asked him, if, when he received help, did he write it down? The answer was what I thought. No. Then I simply told him to do it. Write it down. Listen and learn.
One moment this week really struck me. Another person, who was having problems with emotions had asked me for the kind of prayer needed to deal with these feelings. I gave them the prayer. Later they came to me and asked me to not only repeat it, but to write it down for them. I did. Afterward I was walking through the house, when suddenly what they asked me struck me suddenly and almost took my breath away. It made stop and thank my Higher Power for that moment. I mean, who am I? And why did they come to me? The answer is I don’t know and probably shouldn’t. It just is.
All I know is that prayer is part of our program and our practicing these Steps and principles. I know that it has been part of my recovery all along. My “informal” plea to stop me from drinking. And then the subsequent prayers over time. All sorts. Asking for help, asking for direction, asking how, asking for changes. And the subsequent results of my prayers. Not always clear. Sometimes very clear.
Yet, though I have prayed, I know no matter what my intentions I’m still suffering from what someone calls the human condition. I always will be. That means I am subject to stumbling and falling and failing. My intentions may be to do God’s will and to grow along spiritual lines and to stay sober. I know that no matter what I will fail at times. I also know that, as long as I don’t drink, I can still find a way to ask for the help I need. And I know or believe that I will receive it. It’s part of what I have hoped for all along. And I know from what has happened that I have grown in faith and trust in my Higher Power. Hope fulfilled and realized.
Anyway, just thinking.