One of the things sober alcoholics talk about frequently is the changes, which we all have undergone since coming in here. Absolutely amazing, when I stop and think about it.
I can remember back early on in the program, when I wanted time in sobriety. I mean it was almost like wanting ten years overnight. It took a lot of surrender to give up that self centered desire. It was based on my false pride and ego. I wanted to be admired and followed by the newer members. Good thing I had a sponsor and a lot of those old timers to quash my ego. They could cut me down to size in a split second. And they taught me patience and helped me to understand what it meant that time takes time. It does.
And then I look at what it was like for me over the years in here. How many stages I had to go through. And all the while I was undergoing progressive changes. And, of course, the universal human condition. My failures and defects. Initially, and for a long long time, it was like riding a roller coaster. The ups and downs. And the stumbling and bumbling I went through. But eventually it all began to smooth out and the journey was like on an even level.
And here I am today. I look around at where I’m at and others, who came in around the same time, and what I am like now. There’s absolutely a different person here. Not that I can actually see myself that way, but others like myself not only tell me the difference they see, but I can see it in them. Are we on the “high plane”? Spiritual and supernatural? Let’s just say we’re sober. And that’s always a highlight with me. But we’re still human and have all the faults, the ups and downs of imperfect people.
Still it’s nice. Less control by my feelings and emotions. They do jump up and grab on once in a while. Like trying to remind me of who and what I am. The impatience. The sometimes anger. The occasional worry and anxiety. Not extreme like it used to be. Much quicker to ask my Higher Power for the help I need with all of this. The hope is higher, because of the faith I have developed in my Higher Power. And the peace and serenity, which is much more prevalent.
I always tell the newcomer and others to keep hanging in and not quitting, when they find themselves struggling. I point out that if an alcoholic like me, someone who hit a low bottom, can stay sober and get better, so can they. I can’t help it, but I love to see others coming along and growing in sobriety and along spiritual lines. I watch them and listen to them and see and hear the growth that’s going on. From struggling and enduring the pain, which is caused by all that stuff we dragged through these doors with us, to those moments of complete calm and confidence. It encourages me and others and tells us what we already have learned, that this program works, if we will work it.